We leave for Hawaii on Monday...and we cannot be more excited. 9 days away, just the two of us to connect and be together in a beautiful place as we prepare for our daughter to be born. It will be an amazing time. But...
Mike has been working 6 days a week and also is working late every night too. He even has to go in on Sunday for a few hours...the day before vacation. I am so mad at his boss. On one hand, I am grateful for him having a job and the overtime money that we get but that poor man is so stressed and overworked that it is RI.DIC.U.LOUS. He comes home, drinks a beer and we watch TV. He looks so tired and I feel completely helpless. Here I am with a job that I only work 4 hours a day at and then come home to relax all afternoon and sometimes I just feel so guilty. At least when our baby is here, when I am home with her everyday, my job is being her mommy and taking care of Mike full time.
I hope that when we are gone he can put all the crap of his job and how hard he is working aside and just relax and be present. I know that right now he is constantly thinking about the projects he is working on and it keeps him from getting a great night of sleep...so hopefully after being away from it for a day or two, he will forget he even has a job.
So ugh...my ugh is for Mike. But the huge grin that I have had on my face since 1:30 when I got off work won't go away...I am so excited for this vacation. This is the first time we have gotten away to a relaxing vacation since our honeymoon.
Aloha for now everyone!!! See you in a couple weeks!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Think Pink!!!
That's right...we are having a girl! Mike and I could not be more happy knowing that our daughter will be born in less than 2 months. Here is the latest ultrasound pictures of her. She is absolutely beautiful. Right now she is just about 4 1/2 pounds and is doing well. Birthmom is about 32 weeks and 5 days so it might be a little earlier than April 17th. We go back to the doctor with her on Monday and get to hear how our little one is doing.
Last night at our girls group, they asked me how I am feeling now that Baby Girl Wise is on her way...and soon. A few weeks ago, before the gender reveal, I felt nervous. Nervous about being a mom and about what to expect and especially nervous about all the change that will be coming. But now that we are closer and to know that we will have a daughter, I just have a sense of peace about me. In our years of waiting for this little one, I have never felt so happy ever before. I still don't know what to expect and what the next couple months will look like but I cannot wait to find out.
This little girl will be so loved....oh my gosh! I already love her so much and daydream constantly about what it will be like to hold her and know that I don't have to give her back and that she is ours. I know that this is still an adoption and the birthmom can change her mind but I am trusting God. He has led us this far and I think He is working this all out for our good and of course, for His glory!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Already in love...
It's so strange to feel such love with something so quick. But yet I am. This little baby has already stolen our hearts. God has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams with this little one and I am in awe of His work.
This past Monday was Valentine's Day. This is the day of love and the day we first saw our baby. It will be the day that we will tell our child we first saw that gorgeous face. We were able to be with the birthmom at her doctor's appointment. Although the appointment started out pretty awkward (being that it was her appointment and all!) but it turned out to be wonderful. The doctor ended up doing an ultrasound and we got to find out what we are having. After the dramatic reveal (which will be another post!) the birthmom looked at us and said congratulations. It was so kind of her and we are so lucky to have her in our lives.
Our little one is already so loved. And in 60 days, we will get to meet Baby Wise!!! Amazing!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
A Hawaiian Vacation
Yes, that is right...Mike and I are going to Hawaii on vacation! We booked our plane tickets on Friday night and are so happy! I have never been to Hawaii...so when we started talking about going on a little "babymoon" we both agreed that we just wanted to relax and do nothing else. No touristy stuff like we usually do. And I'm not gonna lie, that is a hard concept for me. My family was more of a "let's see everything while we are here" kind of people. So that is typically how I like to get away. We have been to New York, Disney World, San Francisco...and each time we come back so tired from walking around or sightseeing. We wanted NONE of that this time!
So from March 7th till the 15th we will be vacating our lives for 8 glorious nights in Kauai! It's almost like a second honeymoon. Ahh...cannot wait...here is a little picture of the view from where I plan on plopping myself down at!
So from March 7th till the 15th we will be vacating our lives for 8 glorious nights in Kauai! It's almost like a second honeymoon. Ahh...cannot wait...here is a little picture of the view from where I plan on plopping myself down at!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Walking by faith
I thought this time after being matched would be easier. That we would feel joy and peace. That all the worry, doubt, fear, and anxiousness would fall away because of those beautiful three words: we are matched. But God is showing me and Mike that it is in this new waiting time that we have to trust Him even more.
I think in the last month we have taken this matched news for granted. We praise God for what He has given us, but neglected to get on our knees before Him asking for Him to guide us and continue to draw us closer to Him. It's like we have said, "Hey God, thanks for all you've done and for getting us a baby, but we've got it from here." And just thinking about that terrible attitude makes me feel so ashamed. I need my Father in all aspects of my life, not just through the obviously hard things.
This all came out because we wrote our coordinator, Michelle and didn't hear from her in almost two weeks. We wrote just to see how the birthmom was. When she wrote us, she said that she hasn't been able to get a hold of her and has left here a couple messages. In my eyes, this is not a good sign. Our fear started...is she changing her mind?? And after talking this through, I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." What struck me was the "lean not on your own understanding" part. I mean, that is what we have been doing. We weren't acknowledging God and trusting His way. We thought we knew what was going on with the birthmom and let it get to us. We should have given that email to the Lord and trust that whatever is going on with the birthmom and our child is totally in His hands and is already planned out perfectly in His will for our lives.
Needless to say, we gave it to God and are going to continue trusting Him. We WILL wait for our baby to be born in April. We WILL go on a vacation to spend time together in March. I WILL quit my job in March in anticipation of being a stay at home mom shortly after. Not doing any of these things is not trusting God. We want to make every decision, attitude, and feeling a leap of faith. Faith in our perfect, all-knowing, amazing God, who loves us and only does what is good and perfect according to HIS will.
I think in the last month we have taken this matched news for granted. We praise God for what He has given us, but neglected to get on our knees before Him asking for Him to guide us and continue to draw us closer to Him. It's like we have said, "Hey God, thanks for all you've done and for getting us a baby, but we've got it from here." And just thinking about that terrible attitude makes me feel so ashamed. I need my Father in all aspects of my life, not just through the obviously hard things.
This all came out because we wrote our coordinator, Michelle and didn't hear from her in almost two weeks. We wrote just to see how the birthmom was. When she wrote us, she said that she hasn't been able to get a hold of her and has left here a couple messages. In my eyes, this is not a good sign. Our fear started...is she changing her mind?? And after talking this through, I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." What struck me was the "lean not on your own understanding" part. I mean, that is what we have been doing. We weren't acknowledging God and trusting His way. We thought we knew what was going on with the birthmom and let it get to us. We should have given that email to the Lord and trust that whatever is going on with the birthmom and our child is totally in His hands and is already planned out perfectly in His will for our lives.
Needless to say, we gave it to God and are going to continue trusting Him. We WILL wait for our baby to be born in April. We WILL go on a vacation to spend time together in March. I WILL quit my job in March in anticipation of being a stay at home mom shortly after. Not doing any of these things is not trusting God. We want to make every decision, attitude, and feeling a leap of faith. Faith in our perfect, all-knowing, amazing God, who loves us and only does what is good and perfect according to HIS will.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Preparing for change
I know that in the past I have written about change and how I am not a fan. Yet change is what I have been preparing for for the last 3 years or so. Mike and I have been either trying to get pregnant or start our family through adoption for over 3 years now, we have been actively trying to create change. So now that we are officially going to be parents in April, we are preparing for this impending change. And sometimes I am totally freaked out about it or I am so excited that April seems forever away.
Last week, I was reading a book (which turned out to be the saddest, most deressing book ever). While reading it at 11:30 at night, I started balling my eyes out. The book was at a point where the the mom and dad had their first child and their relationship got terrible. My tears came from a fear of the change that is about to happen in our marriage. Not a bad change, and actually a change that I have been waiting for for such a long time! So in the midst of my tears, Mike woke up and comforted me and we talked about how we both desire for our marriage to always come first (after our relationship with God!). We want regular date night (with the help of our wonderful friends and family as babysitters!!), and we want to have conversations with each other and other people that don't revolve around our children or parenting. These are things we long for when we become parents.
The change that is coming for the Wise household is now totally and completely welcome. It is going to be a beautiful and precious thing. And I cannot wait to be a mommy...just had to throw that in too!
Last week, I was reading a book (which turned out to be the saddest, most deressing book ever). While reading it at 11:30 at night, I started balling my eyes out. The book was at a point where the the mom and dad had their first child and their relationship got terrible. My tears came from a fear of the change that is about to happen in our marriage. Not a bad change, and actually a change that I have been waiting for for such a long time! So in the midst of my tears, Mike woke up and comforted me and we talked about how we both desire for our marriage to always come first (after our relationship with God!). We want regular date night (with the help of our wonderful friends and family as babysitters!!), and we want to have conversations with each other and other people that don't revolve around our children or parenting. These are things we long for when we become parents.
The change that is coming for the Wise household is now totally and completely welcome. It is going to be a beautiful and precious thing. And I cannot wait to be a mommy...just had to throw that in too!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Here's to 2011!
Well another year is started and I am so excited. We celebrated with a few friends last night and spent time reflecting on some great moments of 2010 and also what we are looking forward to this year...
In 2010, actually just a month ago or so, we got a call from our coordinator Michelle and said that a birth couple would like to meet us. They liked another couple but really wanted to meet soon. So that next Wednesday, Mike and I drove to a Starbucks in Corona and met with them. The meeting was very nice and comfortable. We left feeling good about our time and that we were truly ourselves. It was the next Monday that Michelle called and said that we are GOING TO BE PARENTS!!! We were offically matched and could not be more excited. Baby Wise is expected to arrive April of 2011!
So yes, 2010 pretty much rocked for us. We had many ups and downs but we can look back on those fondly because it brought us to where we are today...right on the cusp of parenthood.
2011 is looking good so far. We hopefully will get to find out if we are going to have a little girl or boy soon and can go crazy buying clothes! We cannot wait to be parents and know that the next few months will zoom by...We are hoping we can get a little babymoon vacation in and to really spend time with friends who live out of the area and really enjoy these last few months as a family of 2. Our lives will be so different this time next year. I don't know what it will look like but I probably won't have 15 minutes to myself at 10AM to write a post. I will have a beautiful child in my arms and no matter what it is doing...crying, screaming, cooing, or just sleeping, I will be so in love with that moment and that little bundle of ours.
Ours...wow. Here's to a great 2011!
In 2010, actually just a month ago or so, we got a call from our coordinator Michelle and said that a birth couple would like to meet us. They liked another couple but really wanted to meet soon. So that next Wednesday, Mike and I drove to a Starbucks in Corona and met with them. The meeting was very nice and comfortable. We left feeling good about our time and that we were truly ourselves. It was the next Monday that Michelle called and said that we are GOING TO BE PARENTS!!! We were offically matched and could not be more excited. Baby Wise is expected to arrive April of 2011!
So yes, 2010 pretty much rocked for us. We had many ups and downs but we can look back on those fondly because it brought us to where we are today...right on the cusp of parenthood.
2011 is looking good so far. We hopefully will get to find out if we are going to have a little girl or boy soon and can go crazy buying clothes! We cannot wait to be parents and know that the next few months will zoom by...We are hoping we can get a little babymoon vacation in and to really spend time with friends who live out of the area and really enjoy these last few months as a family of 2. Our lives will be so different this time next year. I don't know what it will look like but I probably won't have 15 minutes to myself at 10AM to write a post. I will have a beautiful child in my arms and no matter what it is doing...crying, screaming, cooing, or just sleeping, I will be so in love with that moment and that little bundle of ours.
Ours...wow. Here's to a great 2011!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas!
I hate being this MIA on my blog. At one point I was trying to post at least one time a week...but since my last post was on November 6th, I am not doing a great job at sticking with it. But here we are on Christmas morning and I thought I would at least make a small note.
MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! I hope that your day is amazing and blessed beyond what you can even imagine. And I hope that today we can all remember why this day is really special...our Savior was born on this day. Something we tend to take for granted or forget but I hope it is not lost as we open gifts, eat food, and travel to be with family and friends.
Mike and I have had a busy few weeks and I look forward to giving a FULL update this coming week. Until then, have a safe and happy Christmas!
MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! I hope that your day is amazing and blessed beyond what you can even imagine. And I hope that today we can all remember why this day is really special...our Savior was born on this day. Something we tend to take for granted or forget but I hope it is not lost as we open gifts, eat food, and travel to be with family and friends.
Mike and I have had a busy few weeks and I look forward to giving a FULL update this coming week. Until then, have a safe and happy Christmas!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Feeling empty...
During this time of waiting, bad days are something I have grown used to, even bad weeks. When I look back to the last 3 years, I have to force myself to remember the good times and growth that have taken place. But those days that I would cry for no good reason and felt like I had the weight (or wait in our case) of the world on my shoulders, it is those days that I remember like the back of my hand. How is it that we dwell on those memories and not the times where we laughed with friends, had an amazing date with our spouse, or just had joy in our hearts?
This was a bad week for me. If you didn't catch that from the title of this post, I am drained in so many ways. It was Thanksgiving of 2007 that Mike and I started trying to have a family and it was last year around this time that Nightlight was giving us false hope about getting a baby by Christmas. This is a tough time of year for us and this week I am feeling empty. I feel like I have no more tears to cry, no more patience to wait for my baby, and my hope, well that is the thing I was lacking the most. Please don't think that I am throwing a pity party for myself here because in truth, the week had many good moments that I am choosing to remember over the moments that crushed me.
During this bad week I was emailed lyrics by my wonderful sister to a song about this emptiness and about how much God provides and deserves our praise for these moments. This song was yet another reminder in my life about how much God is still working. Whether it is in the desert, the battle, the fire, or even in the harvest, God is working out His will for my life and will use it to bring glory to His name.
It was this song that has a verse that says that even in the harvest when we are filled, he will empty us again and start over, trusting God and growing in different and beautiful ways. I am feeling empty, but my God will fill me and it will glorify God more than I can even think possible.
This is still not a great week and I am still feeling empty...but I am reminded that He WILL fill me.
Hillsong, "The Desert Song"
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved more worth than gold
So refine me lord through the faith
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So fill my his promise ill stand
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
And this is my prayer in the harvest
And favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empties again
The seed I receive I will sow
(watch the YouTube video here)
This was a bad week for me. If you didn't catch that from the title of this post, I am drained in so many ways. It was Thanksgiving of 2007 that Mike and I started trying to have a family and it was last year around this time that Nightlight was giving us false hope about getting a baby by Christmas. This is a tough time of year for us and this week I am feeling empty. I feel like I have no more tears to cry, no more patience to wait for my baby, and my hope, well that is the thing I was lacking the most. Please don't think that I am throwing a pity party for myself here because in truth, the week had many good moments that I am choosing to remember over the moments that crushed me.
During this bad week I was emailed lyrics by my wonderful sister to a song about this emptiness and about how much God provides and deserves our praise for these moments. This song was yet another reminder in my life about how much God is still working. Whether it is in the desert, the battle, the fire, or even in the harvest, God is working out His will for my life and will use it to bring glory to His name.
It was this song that has a verse that says that even in the harvest when we are filled, he will empty us again and start over, trusting God and growing in different and beautiful ways. I am feeling empty, but my God will fill me and it will glorify God more than I can even think possible.
This is still not a great week and I am still feeling empty...but I am reminded that He WILL fill me.
Hillsong, "The Desert Song"
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved more worth than gold
So refine me lord through the faith
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So fill my his promise ill stand
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
And this is my prayer in the harvest
And favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empties again
The seed I receive I will sow
(watch the YouTube video here)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Finding encouragement from a 6th grader
I think I have mentioned on here that I quit my job at Biola in June and got hired part time as the Health Clerk at an elementary school here in Irvine (4 minutes from my house actually!). When I first started in September, I would come home from work and felt so unqualified for the job and wondering why God brought me to this school. I mean, I missed the amazing friends I had at Biola and I missed being in a Christian environment daily. So why would He take me away from that only to be in a job that is totally opposite. Then to be totally honest, I took it to other aspects of my life. Like why would He put Mike and I in this place in our lives. Being infertile and going through an adoption process that just seems endless. I turned to God and begged Him for hope during this time. Our Grace Group prayed for little moments where we felt encouragement that was only from Him. Not only for this time as we wait for our child to be in our arms but also with where He has taken me in life.
Jump forward a couple weeks...I am at work and a girl named Sara comes into the Health Office. I know her because she has an colostomy bag so she comes in for...well maintenance of her bag sometimes (I'm trying to not be too graphic). Monday she comes in and the bag is leaking so we call her mom to bring her a new one. Sara stays in my office till her mom comes and in the 15 minutes she is in there waiting, we start to talk. I have to say first that this girl is very mature for only being in the 6th grade...little did I know why.
I start to ask Sara why she has the bag and she tells me her story. Her family is from the Middle East and her kidneys were failing. The doctors told her parents that if they do not take her to America, she will die very quickly. Her parents moved their family to the other side of the world and landed in Los Angeles for her to be seen at the UCLA Medical Center. Sara desperately needed a kidney transplant. She told me that her mom gave her one of her kidneys so that Sara could live. By this time in the story, I was already in awe of this young woman sitting in front of me. But there was more. The kidney transplant didn't explain the bag so she said that after her transplant, she got another disease that forced her to have a colostomy bag for a period of time, in hopes that she will be able to have yet another surgery to repair her colon and intestines so they function as they should. Sara, at 11 years old, is someone I admire.
Her story moved me and she told me that she understands that her story is one that will motivate people and remind them that life is precious, no matter how hard it can get. She shared with me how she struggles with her classmates complaining about the mundane things in their lives...like "my playstation is broke" or "my stomach hurts." This girl wishes that were her biggest problem. You know when your parents say, "it could be worse"?? This is the worse they are referring to. And when Sara told me this, I kinda understood what she was feeling (in a totally different way, of course).
It's hard living a life that doesn't come easy. Where there is a lot of sickness while others are healthy, and people are having babies or getting matched in an adoption quickly while the rest of us have to wait forever. But it was Sara that showed me that we have to continue to live life and move forward. We can't dwell on how our life isn't easy but to just live. And for me that means living and trusting God more and more.
So, after my encounter with Sara, I realize why I am this school. I'm there to learn from these kids and to be there for them. The kids, staff, and teachers are starting to respect me and lean on me for support and I love being able to give that. Yes, this time in my life may not feel easy. I am sooo tired of waiting to be a mom. This time feels endless but I am exactly where God wants me...for now. Little did I know the encouragement that I (and many others) were praying for, would come from a 6th grade girl named Sara.
Jump forward a couple weeks...I am at work and a girl named Sara comes into the Health Office. I know her because she has an colostomy bag so she comes in for...well maintenance of her bag sometimes (I'm trying to not be too graphic). Monday she comes in and the bag is leaking so we call her mom to bring her a new one. Sara stays in my office till her mom comes and in the 15 minutes she is in there waiting, we start to talk. I have to say first that this girl is very mature for only being in the 6th grade...little did I know why.
I start to ask Sara why she has the bag and she tells me her story. Her family is from the Middle East and her kidneys were failing. The doctors told her parents that if they do not take her to America, she will die very quickly. Her parents moved their family to the other side of the world and landed in Los Angeles for her to be seen at the UCLA Medical Center. Sara desperately needed a kidney transplant. She told me that her mom gave her one of her kidneys so that Sara could live. By this time in the story, I was already in awe of this young woman sitting in front of me. But there was more. The kidney transplant didn't explain the bag so she said that after her transplant, she got another disease that forced her to have a colostomy bag for a period of time, in hopes that she will be able to have yet another surgery to repair her colon and intestines so they function as they should. Sara, at 11 years old, is someone I admire.
Her story moved me and she told me that she understands that her story is one that will motivate people and remind them that life is precious, no matter how hard it can get. She shared with me how she struggles with her classmates complaining about the mundane things in their lives...like "my playstation is broke" or "my stomach hurts." This girl wishes that were her biggest problem. You know when your parents say, "it could be worse"?? This is the worse they are referring to. And when Sara told me this, I kinda understood what she was feeling (in a totally different way, of course).
It's hard living a life that doesn't come easy. Where there is a lot of sickness while others are healthy, and people are having babies or getting matched in an adoption quickly while the rest of us have to wait forever. But it was Sara that showed me that we have to continue to live life and move forward. We can't dwell on how our life isn't easy but to just live. And for me that means living and trusting God more and more.
So, after my encounter with Sara, I realize why I am this school. I'm there to learn from these kids and to be there for them. The kids, staff, and teachers are starting to respect me and lean on me for support and I love being able to give that. Yes, this time in my life may not feel easy. I am sooo tired of waiting to be a mom. This time feels endless but I am exactly where God wants me...for now. Little did I know the encouragement that I (and many others) were praying for, would come from a 6th grade girl named Sara.
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