Sunday, April 28, 2013

What is next???

I feel like this question has been on my mind for a while now. What is next...when will we adopt again?? I'm not sure but I know that God is stirring something in both my and Mike's hearts right now. Just like many couples who want to adopt, we have each felt at peace with moving forward with adopting in our own time. The first time, I felt like I was the one ready and Mike came along quickly after. But this time, I have been the one holding up us moving forward and from being able to answer this pressing question. There is nothing wrong with my wanting to wait. I didn't feel at peace and was being selfish with my time alone with Emsley. I have been too comfortable in our little family. God has called us to be a family who adopts children to grow our family. And I have been afraid at what it would look like the 2nd time around as opposed to our experience in bringing Emsley home. Sometimes I made any excuse I could. I want to wait till Emsley is 2, I want to own a house, I want the house to be in order, blah, blah, blah. And each time I set my own timetable, God slowly allowed each of these things to be done...and thus, my excuses and fears have run out.

So what IS next? What is going to happen for the Wise Family?

We filled out an adoption application on the website of Kinship Adoptions. For some reason, I have a wonderful mix of happy, excited, scared silly, and anxious at what lies in front of us. God has been putting on both of our hearts to adopt a child (or children) out of the foster care system. This child might be a 1 year old or it might be a 6 year old. This child might be Caucasian or African American. This child might have been a drug baby or be perfectly healthy. Seriously....I feel so out of control and yet, so in control of what God has been leading us to for SOO long.

A couple weeks ago we watched a friend's little boy and Emsley had sooo much fun. They did the typical struggle for sharing toys and all but they eventually found Emsley's musical instruments and played the xylophone and drums and were laughing and it brought such joy to our hearts watching Emsley with her friend. Imagine how much fun (I'm sure lots of tears) she will have with a permanent friend. And even better is think of how much fun (again, lots of tears) those other little children will have with Emsley and their forever family.

The better question I think right now isn't about what is next for our family but truly about what is next for the child or children that will soon be joining our family. They are falling asleep right now and have no idea that is the very near future (hopefully and prayerfully) they will be sleeping in their very own bed, with their forever mom and dad just down the hall, and a sweet little sister sleeping soundly in the room next to theirs. They will never have to be alone or not have someone to take care of them when they are sick. They will be with us no matter where the Lord takes us in life. What is next for our children is way more thrilling than what is next for us!!

I have a lot of say about fears and insecurities as we enter the world of adopting from the CA foster system but that will have to be for another time and another update!