I thought this time after being matched would be easier. That we would feel joy and peace. That all the worry, doubt, fear, and anxiousness would fall away because of those beautiful three words: we are matched. But God is showing me and Mike that it is in this new waiting time that we have to trust Him even more.
I think in the last month we have taken this matched news for granted. We praise God for what He has given us, but neglected to get on our knees before Him asking for Him to guide us and continue to draw us closer to Him. It's like we have said, "Hey God, thanks for all you've done and for getting us a baby, but we've got it from here." And just thinking about that terrible attitude makes me feel so ashamed. I need my Father in all aspects of my life, not just through the obviously hard things.
This all came out because we wrote our coordinator, Michelle and didn't hear from her in almost two weeks. We wrote just to see how the birthmom was. When she wrote us, she said that she hasn't been able to get a hold of her and has left here a couple messages. In my eyes, this is not a good sign. Our fear started...is she changing her mind?? And after talking this through, I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." What struck me was the "lean not on your own understanding" part. I mean, that is what we have been doing. We weren't acknowledging God and trusting His way. We thought we knew what was going on with the birthmom and let it get to us. We should have given that email to the Lord and trust that whatever is going on with the birthmom and our child is totally in His hands and is already planned out perfectly in His will for our lives.
Needless to say, we gave it to God and are going to continue trusting Him. We WILL wait for our baby to be born in April. We WILL go on a vacation to spend time together in March. I WILL quit my job in March in anticipation of being a stay at home mom shortly after. Not doing any of these things is not trusting God. We want to make every decision, attitude, and feeling a leap of faith. Faith in our perfect, all-knowing, amazing God, who loves us and only does what is good and perfect according to HIS will.
It is always my advice to young and seasoned believers alike when they ask me how they should pray about something vital in thier lives, I tell them it is important to first obey God's Holy Word then trust in the promises He has for us. The verse I often use is the one you quoted in your blog Kim, Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding. Aknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make straight your paths. It is no wonder why it is so many believers favorite verse. It is so easy to understand. First trust, then acknowledge and obey His will and because we believed God THEN HE will do His job and complete His promise as He has written. Doing all of the things you did to show God you believed and trusted that Emsley would come into your life even when you didn't quite feel sure they would proved to God that you trusted in Him with your whole heart and He came through according to His will for your life. I cannot stress it enough but my dear ones, you do not need this lesson. For those that are searching for the key to prayer I can't say it enough: First trust, second obey, and only then comes the blessings. I am so thankful you both trusted in the Lords Word.
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