I feel like this is the only way to describe how our family will be growing...in baby steps. We have some great friends who wanted to get together with us to talk about our family. We went over one night and they asked the hard questions: do we BOTH want more kids? do we BOTH want to adopt a baby or do foster care? And then some....but it was so good for us to be thinking these things through. And what came of that time was that Mike just wants at least one more kid (or 20 if he has his say!) and I want the process to be as close to what we would have experienced if we got pregnant. The process is important for me and the growth is important to Mike. That is something we never realized. I mean, I think having gone through infertility it has definitely made me sad that we didn't get to grow our family organically. We didn't get to get pregnant, wait 9 months, meet our baby, then wait a couple years and start the process over. Our process just isn't that easy. We have to save us for adoption fees, fill out a terrible amount of paperwork, get poked and prodded, scanned and tested, then make a profile book, hope a birth mom chooses us, then after a possibly awkward meeting with birth mom, we might get matched and wait till baby is born. Then there is more waiting to see if birth mom doesn't change her mind, then more meetings, and paperwork while we wait for a finalization court date. I mean, I'm tired just typing that out!
So my desire to at least imitate parts of the natural process is important. Even with the money, paperwork, and waiting, the baby part is something I love. I miss Emsley being a baby. Every once in a while I will look at my almost 5 year old girl and feel sad that time is going so fast. She is going to be in Kindergarten soon and yet it feels like just yesterday she was dancing in her diapers with me!
I want to have at least one more kid, to give Emsley a little brother or sister. I can't think beyond one more. It is too much for me! But I love when I see Emsley with babies and loves them so much. She will be a wonderful big sister. So right now, the Wises are filling out paperwork and finishing up our profile book to get our home study going. We have no money but a lot of faith that God provides. And he does and already has! Someone left us a large anonymous check at our house one day and it just reminded us that God is here. This process could take a while, and it doesn't help that we are both working, have a sweet girl who needs and wants our attention, and a life of house stuff, colds, friends to spend time with, and church things going on. But we will get it done and hopefully have more updates.
I still get nervous of whether I can love more than just Emsley but those fears are not of the Lord. I know unconditional love from no one else but Him and plan to show that to my daughter and any other children God decides to bring into our family.
So for now, pray for us that we get our butts in gear and for the birth mom that could be pregnant right now with our child. That God would minister to her heart in a big way and prepare us to love her as well. This is the part of adoption I love. The relationship that God allows to happen with this woman who will forever be in our hearts.
