The adoption group we are with, Adoption Answer, is updating their website and asked us to send a picture and a little paragraph about us. The director put up our info today and this is a link to the "waiting families" page. I hope that a birthmother is able to get a little glimpse of who we are and desire to know us more.
Our hearts are down about this whole situation lately. It feels like a never ending and hopeless situation. Our faith is being challenged daily and our need for our Lord and Savior grows by the minute. Today in church I was convicted that I have made the idea of parenthood an idol in my life. It is something that I have used as an indicator of when I will feel fulfilled in life. I guess God reminded me that it is not my being a mother or having a baby that will fill me but only by His spirit that I will ever be truly satisfied. This will take some time for me to digest and to apply to my life because I know that my heart longs to hold a child of my own but to even begin to allow myself to think that I need to let the whole idea go and put it in His hands is an extremely tough thought for me right now.
God is good but this waiting is not easy. I lean on the verse Jeremiah 29:11 these days...His plans for me are good and that is what I need to be clinging to. I just need to remind myself of this pretty much every second of the day. He is working in me and a very dear friend so lovingly reminded me of that. And I want to also be reminded of those things that He is doing in me so I can use that as encouragement during this time. The growth, the depth, and even the hopelessness that brings me to my knees....these are the things God is doing in me.
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