Adoption update

Right now I am sitting at Barnes and Noble using their free wi-fi along with every college student in the area (who are probably studying for mid-terms) and realized how old or maybe a little mature I feel. These kids are talking about girls they like, complicated math equations that make my head hurt, and the kid in their class who smokes pot. And it dawned on me that my conversations with friends include how my quiet time with the Lord is, how marriage is great, and babies. I love not being a kid anymore. I would rather talk about these things over anything else...God has blessed me with good friends and a pretty amazing life.

But I realized that for those who actually still read this silly little blog deserve an update on not just where we are in the adoption process but where are hearts are too...so this might be a long one. Bear with me.

We have officially been with Adoption Answers for 3 months now and have been shown to a few birthmothers but no one has chosen us yet. The director Michelle has encouraged us that we are not only being shown regularly but also are liked. There is just someone else that the birthmom likes better (which is okay because that was obviously not meant who we get matched with). We have been chosen as #2 (in the event that #1 can't fulfill its responsibilities...much like Miss America!!). So it could be the next birthmom who looks at our profile book that chooses Mike and Kim as her #1. We just have to have a little more patience...which we apparently have plenty of....most days!

Now this is where we are...pretty much the same place we were last time I gave an update. But with each day, week, and month, our hearts are always changing. I am constantly growing and becoming the woman God has always desired for me to be. Some days I still get sad that I still don't have a baby but for some reason, God is so loving to me...someone who is so sinful and does not deserve His love at all. But Mike and I were reminded by someone that God loves us more than we can even imagine and that all the love we feel we have for a child, His love for us is infinitely more than that. I guess I take that for granted and don't really think about how much He loves me very often.

But let me get real for a minute. All the growth and passion to know God more has been amazing and such a blessing in this time...but that isn't all that is going on in my heart. I also have had issue with being hopeful and having faith in God that He will provide us a child. Sometimes we feel like we have been traveling in a car for the longest stinkin' road trip ever and that it will just never end. I know that so many friends have encouraged us that it is in God's timing but it is so hard to feel that way when we are in the midst of the waiting and in the time where we are waiting for that perfect timing to be now. So it is in those times that I struggle to remain hopeful that we will get a baby and when I don't know if God has remembered me or whether He will really be allowing us to be parents.

Satan loves when I feel like this. He loves when I feel like I can't take it anymore and when I start to lose faith in God...but I won't let him win. I will have faith and be more hopeful because God is the thing in my life that means the most. His unconditional love is something that I want to always remember. He loved me enough to send His son to die for my sins on a cross...how could I not trust Him, especially in my weakest moments?

So right now, sad and happy are feelings I wrestle with regularly. But God gets me up every morning and reminds me that today is another day...and one of these mornings I will get up and it WILL be the day that we will get a call. I have hope and faith in my amazing, loving God!