Wait and Hope in the Lord!

Every so often at church there is a sermon that I feel like was given for just me. Yesterday was that day. It was as if Dave Talley stood on the stage at church and I was the only one in the congregation. But as I started to think about it more and talked to people, they too felt the same way. This sermon was perfect for so many people. Whether it is waiting for a baby, a job, a boyfriend...we are all waiting for something and tend to forget that we need to wait on the Lord.

I have said it before, I am not a patient person and waiting is not my thing. I like things to happen right away...I even liked getting up on Christmas morning as a kid at like 2AM because I just could not wait. And even though I don't get up quite as early anymore...I do wait impatiently for the Lord to provide for my needs. But I want to be waiting not just for the things I want to happen but to wait to see God's will be done in my life. I want to grow as a woman of God through this process. Getting into the word more, learning more about who God is and seeing Him always present in my life, and to fear Him for He really is a powerful God who is definitely underestimated sometimes. I desire to see this be the woman I am.

This process has made me more aware of my shortcomings. I recognize when I am falling short of the glory of God more and desire to change that. Maybe it is because I know that soon I will be a mother and want to be a good example for my child or maybe it is that God wants to use this time of waiting to mold me into the woman I long to be. Whatever the reason, I am so grateful for this time. It humbles me to be so aware of what a sinful person I am. But I know that God is with me.

He is with me as I wait for my child to be in my arms. He is with me as I watch my phone not ring everyday. He is with me as I see so many women getting pregnant for the 3rd baby season in a row. He is with me as I eat dinner and even while I type this post. That is something I love about our God and something I strive to live out in my daily life. I want people to see Christ in me...that I may live my life as an woman who has the love of God in her heart and that when Christ returns or calls me home, he may say "well done Kim, my good and faithful servant."

Today's verse to encourage those who are waiting is Romans 12:12: "Rejoice in hope, patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

Grace Caring!

Our church has a group called Project Hope and the amazing people who are in charge started getting those who are interested or are in the process to adopt or do foster care together. Last night was our first meeting of "Grace Caring" and it was so great to just be with other people who have the same passion as you and who totally understand where we are. While talking with our friends who are adopting a little girl from China soon, they expressed how frustrated they are as they wait for final things to come through. Then we told them how we feel the same way waiting for our call too. It was so nice to just get each other. We know how tiring it can be to do all this paperwork then have to leave it totally in someone else's hands to be able to bring your child home. We are so grateful for our church body and the amazing support we have from so many of them!

I love my husband!

Over 6 1/2 years ago, I got so angry at the man that would one day become not only my husband but my best friend. He started subbing at the daycare I was working for and let the kids be a little rude to me since they had him as a counselor when he worked there before. I was so mad at this guy. I had met this guy when I was a little 6th grader and he was in the 10th grade and we went to the same church but that day at work he was just some guy who was annoying me. I was so mean to him. I even tried to get him fired for being a jerk to me---which didn't end up happening...thank God! A few days later we all went out after work and I apologized to him....and that was my first but certainly not my last conversation with this guy...my guy. Had I known that summer day that I would fall madly in love with him, I might have been a little nicer to him. But I like to think that God wanted me to act like that so I would have to humble myself and apologize to see what a great man he was.

Here we are...celebrating our 7th Valentine's Day together tomorrow. Wow, feels like just yesterday he was picking me up for our first. Mike was in grad school the first 9 months we were dating in the Bay Area. He was so busy with homework and projects that he put off making any plans for our first Valentine's Day together. He had a beatiful bouquet of red roses delivered to my work and picked me up (looking quite handsome!) and told me we were going to Pasadena for dinner....at 10:30pm!!! It was all he could get! We had a fun time walking around and talking and really just being together. And now tomorrow, things are different in a great way. We don't need a fancy restaurant or flowers...just each other and a little dinner at home.

But the point of this post isn't just to tell you about how we met and fell in love or how we spent our first Valentine's Day together but to brag about what an amazing man I am married to. Mike is best and most amazing man ever. He is someone who loves with all his heart. He is kind and considerate but knows how to just tell me the truth, even if it might hurt a little. He has a really stressful and smart person job but he manages to not only work really long days knowing that the quality of his work affects the safety so many people but also come home and help with dishes, bills and so many other things. He is the kind of guy that I feel so comfortable when we are talking or when we are just sitting in silence reading a book. He encourages me to be a better woman, friend, sister, daughter, employee, and person in general but still loves me for me. I respect him and know that he is the reason that I have accomplished a lot of things in my life. He truly is my best friend and on this day of love...I want him and all of you to know that I love him....

And as we are ready to venture into parenting soon...I know that my love for him will only get deeper as I watch him hold our child and play with them. This man will be a great dad and we are all so blessed to have him in our lives!

I love you honey and want to thank you for being my valentine! xoxo
(sorry for the mushy post everyone---it is Valentine's Day though!)

Having a grateful heart!

It has been so easy for Mike and I to get caught up in the negative aspects of our life. We aren't able to have any children of our own, we haven't been matched yet, or the fact that the other couple got chosen in this last situation. But God has convicted us to see His hand at work in all things. Tonight my husband and I realized that we are quite selfish and easily dissatisfied with what He has given us or the way He is doing things in our lives. But He also gave us a greater understanding for Him and how He desires us to be as His children.

Since starting this adoption process, we heard from some of the people at the agency that Mike and I are the "ideal couple" and should be matched quickly with a birthmom. We lived off those words..."ideal couple" and "matched quickly" became the terms we used to tell people why we thought we would be parents soon. And soon they were the words that filled our egos and gave us hope in something that God did not provide. Sure, the agency probably wasn't just yanking our chain when they said that but we took it and ran with it. So when this past birthmom came up, we pretty much assumed that Mike and Kim Wise, the "ideal couple" at our agency would be chosen. Little did we know that God was going to use this situation to humble us and bring us on our knees in repentance before Him.

We now see so much more clearly, as if the opaque covering was lifted from our eyes. Not that this should come as a shock to most of you who know us but we are sooo not "ideal." I know...big shock! We are far from it. We have baggage and drama and we are completely imperfect. There is nothing that makes us any more special than the next couple. And for the first time in months, we are so grateful to have an understanding about that. We are also grateful for God allowing us to be passed on by that birthmom. He knows what He is doing and that fact that she felt a peace about the couple she chose is reason enough to be praising God. To find peace in a situation like that for her is truly something that only God can provide. And through this situation, we will be matched with someone who feels a peace about us. The imperfect couple that we are. Lastly, we are so joyful for that couple. They get to be parents of that child and love and cherish it. And maybe they have been waiting for a long time to be matched with a birthmom...longer than us...and now they are able to see God working in this situation. He is allowing His timing and will to be done for them because that is how He planned it from the beginning. How dare we question Him and His will.

Ok so I know this is a ridiculously long post but tonight was a good night....and tomorrow WILL be a great day. Tomorrow I will wake up and see God in all things and be grateful. For the breaths I take, for the husband He has blessed me with, for the rain, for my job, for the friends and family He has given me, and for the hope I have in Him. We may not get "the call" tomorrow or the next day but I can hope that the day will come...and I am grateful that my God already knows which day!

God obviously has other plans...

Well Anita called us today and told us that the birthmom picked a different couple today. Feeling a little sad but realizing that God must have known that this wasn't the best situation or that there is something way better for us.

Thanks for praying for us and please continue to pray for this birthmom as she is nearing the end of her pregnancy.

Potentially good news!

This week has been an eventful one. Mike and I have been feeling a little down because we feel like our agency just isn't communicating with us about where we are in the process. So we sent an email to the social worker who deals with birthmoms (and one to our social worker Anita) telling them how we were feeling and asking for any updates. The other social worker wrote us back saying we have been shown twice but that we weren't chosen and there is another potential birthmom but she is really early in her pregnancy so they aren't showing her any families for a couple months. We felt sooooo discouraged by this because she was the one who kept telling us that we are going to get matched super quick. This was not a good week.....

UNTIL...

Our social worker Anita called me a couple days ago and said that she has a birthmom who is 34 weeks along and who will probably be delivering early due to some health issues (the girl just found out she was pregnant 2 weeks ago!!!). And because there is a chance that the baby will be a preemie, Anita was calling to see if we would be okay being shown to her!!! Anita met with her yesterday and gave her our profile book to look at. Then the birthmom (who is hoping to choose a couple very very soon) will decide who she wants to meet with and ultimately be matched with.

We are soo excited but also trying to remember that she may not choose us still. We have to be realistic in the situation but can't help but getting a little giddy about the prospect of being parents in just a few weeks time!

Ways for you to be praying this week...pray that she likes us and that we hear from Anita this week with some GREAT news! We really urge you everyone to be praying for the health of the birthmom who has been at the hospital on bedrest for a couple weeks and the baby since it will most likely be delivered preemie. And lastly, pray for our hearts that we can patiently wait a little bit more, that we can also get excited, but remembering that God may have a different birthmom picked out for us.

But ultimately we want to praise God for this great step forward. We have been praying for that for a couple weeks and it is so great to really see His hand in all this!!!

Looking back on 2009...

Since today is the last day of 2009, I am starting to think back to what a crazy year this was. Mike and i celebrated our 4th anniversary together with a great vacation to Palm Springs...we moved to a great home in Irvine...these are some of the good things we remember. But this year was also one of the hardest years I have ever experienced. We started seeing a specialist for infertility...went on infertility meds and after a long unsuccessful 3 months of those we officially started the adoption process.....watched over 10 friends get pregnant and have their babies...

And sooo much more. We also have been very very blessed with amazing friends who have walked with us in all these good and bad times.

Things we are looking forward to in 2010...bringing home our first baby!!!! And along the same lines, I cannot wait to see Mike hold our baby and be a dad. He is going to love our children so much. Becoming a mommy in 2010 will be an amazing adventure! I know this year will have ups and downs too but I think that God has strengthened us and prepared us individually and together to walk forward into this year with our heads held up high and knowing that this year will be GREAT!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Love, The Wise Family

Merry Christmas!

Well it is 11AM on Christmas morning and the skies in Southern California are clear so it should be a beautiful day. Today we have spent time opening our gifts for each other and are now taking our extremely dead, fire hazard of a tree down. But we truly want to remember what today is about. We remember our Savior's miraculous birth to the virgin Mary and rejoice that God planned it is such a beautiful way. It amazes me how the man who would die to save us of our sins and who created our every being would be a baby....dependent on his mother's milk for his own survival. Yet now it is us who are dependent of him and his word for our survival. Praise God!

Mike and I are also realizing that today was the day that we were hoping to have a baby home with us...God had other plans. It's just us two still but rejoicing knowing that He is in complete control. I'm not saying that we aren't a smidge disappointed but looking forward to seeing what God's timing looks like from here on out.

I hope you and your loved one's are enjoying this day and rejoicing for CHRIST IS BORN!!!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Sorry for not being a faithful blogger!

Well I apologize for not being good at blogging lately. I am kinda taking a little break from blogging to deal with some minor medical issues and get through the holidays.

Thanks for reading this blog (to my 5 faithful followers)!!! I promise I will update you with any new info on our adoption or life in general as it comes up!

Update from our Social Worker

Mike and I have definitely felt very discouraged in this waiting time. After getting an email from the agency the week of Thanksgiving saying that our file is STILL incomplete and that they haven't shown us to any birthmoms, we felt lost. We were so sad because the agency was so encouraging that we wouldn't have to wait a long time to be matched but then we felt like they weren't doing anything to help that move along. Our of the blue our social worker writes us this week to just check in. Talk about an answer to prayer...we had been hoping that someone would contact us and it not always be in our court.

I wrote Anita (our social worker) back and told her how we were feeling and asked for either some encouragement or a reality check. Not even 24 hours later she responded with a great email letting us know that our file should be complete very very soon and that she found out we were recently shown to a birthmother!!! I mean...this woman may not choose us but we were just so happy that we are really moving along in this process. I had happy tears!

We know that this is in God's timing and God is definitely on our side. He knows exactly how much we can handle and i think he knew that we were getting close to the end of our rope. God is so good...we are still praying for a baby to be home with us very soon!

Praise God with us!