Change is in the air!

Change is not something I particularly enjoy. I like being in my little comfort zone with the people I know and doing the things I know as well. So when things change with this zone of mine, I cringe a little. My childhood was marked with change and being adaptable---I never complained because it made life interesting. So as I entered adulthood and could make decisions for myself, I have tried to keep my zone as comfortable as possible. I went to a school where I didn't get to know a lot of people because it was huge, have worked at a job for almost 3 years even though it isn't my dream job, and so many other things.

But change in on the horizon for the Wise family. Next Friday (the 25th) is my last day at Biola. I am quitting my comfortable job to see what God has in store for us. Whether that be becoming a mom or finding a job that is closer to our South OC home. Either one is out of my zone!!!

But I am resting on Jeremiah 29:11---God knows the plans for my life and really, that is all I need in life right now!!! So change...I am welcoming you with open arms!

Faith

Tonight I was watching "16 and Pregnant" on MTV. This episode was about a girl named Lori. Lori is a senior in high school who got pregnant (bet you didn't see that coming!!!). I watched this show and just sobbed. Lori's parents wanted her to give the baby up for adoption but she and the birth father weren't so sure. This couple had a bad relationship and in the end Lori knew that she didn't have any other options so she had to give her baby up for adoption. Her story, along with the adoptive couples journey in this, seemed all too familiar with ours. Watching the heart break this was causing everyone and even the tears that the adoptive couple had during the ceremony they had at the hospital. I was just a mess after watching this.

So, knowing that these emotions were coming from somewhere, I took it to the Lord. I just cried to my Father and told Him how I was feeling. How I want to be a mother and that I am sorry I haven't just let Him be in control of the situation. Then I opened my Bible to Hebrews. I remember Mike and I talking about how he found a few verses there that encouraged him so I turned there as well.

Hebrews 11-12...click here to read it.

These chapters talked about faith. Verse 1 reads "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Ok...I was totally reading this out loud and before I even finished this sentence, God had me completely in tears. Faith isn't waiting for God do everything your heart desires but that God will perform all that He promises and is the foundation for us to build all our hopes for the future on.

Reading about all the people in the Bible who had faith: Abel, Enoch, Abraham and Sarah, Moses...reminds me that God desires for us to trust that He is working in us in a way that we might not see. I feel that God is using this time of struggle and waiting that we have experienced to make me a better woman and ultimately a better mother. I know that He is making my faith unshakable and putting my relationship with Him upon a firm foundation. These are the unseen ways that God is blessing me by my having faith in Him.

The verse that I am going to cling to this week is Hebrews 12: 1-2..."Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." I love how this brings us back to the cross....right where we need to be constantly looking to, no matter where we are in life. That truly is faith.

Update

It's been a while since I posted anything so I think its about time!

Mike has been in Houston for 3 weeks and he is now sitting on the couch next to me playing with our new camera we bought for our hopefully growing family! We are looking forward to just spending time together...and totally dreading Tuesday morning when I have to take him back to the airport for another 3 weeks.

After our meeting with the birthparents a few weeks ago, the birthmom got my cell phone number from the agency and called me to get together. I drove down last friday night and we had a nice dinner together. It was really great getting to know her. But throughout our meeting she seemed VERY confused. She kept saying "If I keep the baby....if i keep the baby..." And giving scenarios of what her life will be like after if she decides to keep it. Didn't exactly make me feel great. I felt weird about the meeting. I talked to Anita (our social worker) and told her what happened and she called the birthmom's social worker and explained it all to her. I think that the birthmom needs someone to talk to and doesn't have many people. But she just didn't realize that I am probably not the best person for that job! So I talked to her social worker last monday and the birthmom has decided that she doesn't want to make a decision about whether to keep the baby or not until after it is born.

So we are back to square one. But we both agree that we are kinda in a good situation...on one hand, she may still give us her baby in a matter of weeks. On the other, now that we aren't in a match process with anyone, we are able to be shown to other birthparents. We are disappointed about everything but feel like God is still in control of everything. I have learned that I tend to find my security in the times when I am able to control a situation. But I am working on putting my control aside and let God lead me in life. That my security comes from Him, the one who is able to do far greater than I can even imagine. Mike and i are so grateful to have a God who we can rely on 100%. Who leads us and allows us to grow closer to Him everyday.

And lastly, Mike and I have decided that since we may still be adopting soon, I have put in my notice at Biola and my last day is June 25th. This is a HUGE leap of faith for us. We feel at peace with this decision and know that God has given us that peace for a reason and we are definitely resting in that.

Well, I am off to spend time with my hubby! Thanks for being a part of this crazy journey with us...we love seeing God work in us and to share it with others just makes it so much more meaningful!

Match Meeting

Thank you so much for your prayers and words of encouragement to Mike and I in this adoption process. You have no idea how much you all mean to us.

Well, we had our meeting with the birthparents Wednesday morning. It was very surreal to be meeting the people who may give us their child but overall we felt good about the meeting. It was so great getting to know them and hear their story. They are very nice; she is kinda shy but he is very talkative...which is probably why we met for over 2 1/2 hours!! After the awkward introduction time, we started to talk and definitely felt more comfortable with them. We talked not only about the adoption but even talked about history and beer!!! So it was great and we are definitely glad it is over.

The birthparents did not make a final decision as to whether they are going to give us their baby. They need some time, which Mike and I fully support. We want them to feel 100% comfortable about this decision. We feel that if they choose us, we will have a good relationship with them in the future which is what we have been praying for!

Please be praying for the birthmother as we could see that this is a difficult decision for her. She knows that she is making the best decision for this child but it is still hard on her. Pray for peace for whatever decision she makes.

We are so glad to see God at work in this situation and are trusting that He knows what He is doing. The verse that I have been really thinking of it Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will makes your path straight." That is what I am really holding onto this week!

Looking foward to giving an update once we hear more!

Pre-meeting emotions

We will be meeting with the birthparents in less than 24 hours. Wow. I have been sleeping poorly the last few nights because my mind has been racing....what kind of questions will they ask us, will they like us, how much should we share about this or that? That and a million other questions are making me crazy! Then I start to think of how I might answer those questions. Which I really have no idea how I will answer them.

So how am I feeling right now? I'm so nervous and anxious for this meeting. I feel like my stomach is twisted and turned a million times. I think that the anticipation of this meeting is really fueling this nerves. I mean, we have been waiting to have a baby for over 2 years and waiting to be matched for 8 months now. So now, we are here and now it is real.

Yet, through all the nerves, I am excited somehow. I cannot wait to meet this amazing couple. They are willing to do something so wonderful for us and that baby. Tomorrow is a big day for us. Tomorrow could be the day that we find out if we are going to be a mom and dad. We could know if we are having a boy or a girl and with that we will know what name we will give to our child. Tomorrow could be the beginning of our story. A story that we are able to praise God for everyday!!!

If you think of Mike and I tomorrow, please be praying for us. Be praying for our story---that God be writing it as he sees fit. That He may write this couple's story as well. And if ours connect somehow, that God would be in control of that. And also, please pray for rest. I know the birthmom is nervous about tomorrow just as we are. Pray that we can sleep and be refreshed and ready for our meeting.

I look forward to sharing news, no matter the outcome tomorrow. God is in control and it is that knowledge that gives us a peace as we enter into this part of our lives.

Meeting date set!

Ok...here are the details for our very big day this week! Sorry for leaving you hanging on that last post!!

We FINALLY have a date set for our meeting with the birthparents....this Wednesday at 10:30AM in San Diego. Sounds like its going to be a super casual meeting and hopefully we will know by the end of that day whether we will be matched with them or not.

In other news, Mike will be leaving for Houston next week for work. We have known about him leaving for a while now but thought it would be either today or tomorrow. We got the phone call from the social worker about an hour after he booked his flight for this coming Tuesday morning. After scheduling the meeting for Wednesday, he got approval to leave this coming Sunday. So he will be leaving after church on May 9th...that means I get a few more days with him!

God definitely was at work because just the night before this call, we decided to just let go of our stress and not worry about it all. We were trying to control the situation (which we really couldn't) so we just left it at Jesus' feet...and it felt nice to release it to Him. It's just so amazing to see how God had planned for us to move forward with Mike's trip to Houston and trust Him, then almost right after get a call about our meeting.

Ways to be praying: that we can be ourselves and let God speak through us as we answer their questions; for their hearts as they prepare to meet the people who may raise their child; and really pray that we can be an example of Christ...not only as individuals but also through our marriage. Mike and I are praising God for all He has done in us in the last couple years and give Him ALL the glory in everything! And just be praying for the time that we are apart in general (safety, no loneliness, etc).

Can't wait to give an update Wednesday after things are hopefully finalized!

Seeing God work is pretty AMAZING!

When Mike and I look at our lives in the last couple years, it blows us away to think of not only what we have gone through but also how much we have grown. It was over 2 1/2 years ago that we decided to start trying to start our little Wise family. We were so excited but never really took the situation to God. Then over almost 2 years later, we felt that God was closing the door on us having biological children and was clearly opening a door to adoption. We were scared and so overwhelmed by all the tasks that appeared before us. And yet, even as we began that process, we tried to lean on our own strength to get us through it all. We loved that we had the control and could get things done and see how much WE have accomplished. Mike and I thought that if a birthmom chose us it was because WE were the "ideal couple." But then something happened (I'm not quite sure what) that made us decide to let go of the control and the pride and we laid our worries, saddness, struggles, heartache, and lack of trust at God's feet. We finally got our hearts where they should be...with our Savior.

Now here we are April of 2010 and seeing how much He has done in our lives just amazes us. God is so good and all glory and praise goes to Him for He is sovereign in all things. He decides how our lives will go and He will be our joy even in times of struggle or impatience. He will open doors and close them when He chooses. Mike put a sticky note on our bathrooom mirror a couple days ago and said that we are going to memorize one each week. The verse for the week just shows how great our God is and that all glory goes to Him and Him alone. Romans 8:18, "For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." The tough times that we have gone through are not even worth comparing to what God will show us in His timing. What a great way to view suffering. To know that God will reveal His glory and His plans for us and it will make all those tough times completely and utterly insignificant.

As I started this post, I really wanted to make sure that it was truly about the Lord. That He is honored and praised before I give any updates on what is going on in our lives. This is the way I want to live every day of my life. Remembering Christ first.

The last month has been crazy. As I said earlier in this post, God has opened some doors and closed others and it was through those doors opening and shutting, that we have found ourselves more in love with God. He allowed us to find patience so we weren't waiting for the phone to ring. And it was then that the phone DID ring. Last tuesday afternoon we got "the call." One of the social workers from Nightlight called to say that a birthmother wanted to meet us. Us, Mike and Kim, the couple who thought we would be snatched up early on in this process because we let our pride get in the way. Mike and Kim, the couple who watched as God took those things that made us the "ideal couple" and made them the exact reasons why we weren't getting matched. Mike and Kim, the couple who now know that the only reason why we got this call was because God had this planned all along and to whom ALL PRAISE IS GIVEN!!!

More details in another post....

The mercy of God

I think I have always known what mercy is in life. I mean as a kid we always played that mercy game where you try and hurt the other person's hand until they scream "mercy." But lately Mike and I have been wondering what does the mercy of God look like. The Bible is full of passages that talk about asking and even begging for God's mercy. Psalm 116:1, "I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy..." Biblegateway.com defines mercy as "compassion for the miserable. Its object is misery. By the atoning sacrifice of Christ a way is open for the exercise of mercy towards the sons of men, in harmony with the demands of truth and righteousness." We are in a state of misery and yet God chooses to show compassion to us in those times. How often do we use this as a model for our lives?

In this time of our lives, we are miserable. No we aren't moping around and crying all the time, but yet we are in misery. Misery is distress caused by a need or another source. For us, it is the desire to be parents. By this need/desire not being fulfilled, we are in a state of misery. But God has grace on us by giving us a good heart about it. Lately we have been needing some mercy though...to get out of this time of need and enter into a state of happiness.

We know that God is 100% capable of showing mercy and if we believe it, He will do it. There is a song with these words..."Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me..." and as powerful as those words are, sometimes we sing it without truly believing it. In A.W. Tozer's book, Knowledge of the Holy, there is a chapter on the mercy of God. He basically says that we need to know and believe that God is merciful. Not that he WAS or WILL BE but that he IS merciful to us now.

I believe this with my whole heart and soul and know that in God's perfect timing, God will show mercy to Mike and I. It may not be in the way that we thought it would or it will be exactly what we are asking for but He is perfectly capable of showing mercy to us right now. WOW...my God is great!

My cousin's wedding...

I know...I know. I have been totally M.I.A. for a couple weeks but I am back and you will be excited to know that I am gonna blog more (maybe even 2 tonight!!).

Ok...so this past weekend my cousin Danielle got married at the Lake Arrowhead resort. It was a beautiful day and a gorgeous setting for a wedding. It was fun to stay in a cabin with my family and get all dressed up!


My cousin and her new hubby Rudy looked great...and this is gonna sound weird but my grandma was the officiant of the ceremony. At first, I thought it was odd but she did an amazing job. She got certified for the day and pretty much rocked it. My grandpa died about 14 years ago and you could tell that she was missing him seeing yet another granddaughter get married. But he was deeply remembered and by her officiating, she brought a little piece of him with her. Here she is with her granddaughters.

All in all the wedding was great but it is sure great to be back home!

What an event!

Today was the start of a long weekend for me. At Biola, we are celebrating Homecoming. It is a fun tradition we started last year to encourage our alumni, friends, students, faculty, and staff of Biola to come and "Revisit, Reconnect, Reunite." (Which was our theme this year!) We have been planning this event for months now and even though I don't do much of the planning, I get to be a minor part in the process. I created the website and took all the reservations. Sometimes being at a Biola event, I start to wish that I had the typical college experience. I'm not so much jealous that about living in dorms or eating in the cafe, but I am jealous of the relationships that remain after all these years.

While celebrating with our grads from 50 years ago, our Golden Eagles, I got to see people who spent years of their lives together reconnect after all these years. It was absolutely beautiful and is exactly why this is my favorite event of the year. God is so amazing the way he leads people to this school and how he keeps their values and love of Biola the same. I don't talk to any of my friends from college. And the friends I do have on facebook from Cal State Fullerton, I would not want to get together with. We are very different and our values in life are different. The people who have friends from Biola have Christ as their connector and that is something to cherish.

This is really why Mike and I really appreciated and not taken for granted the amazing friendships we have at church because they are the friendships that are eternal. They are the friends that we will not only have while on earth but know that we will see them in Heaven as well.

Well, God is good and is doing great things at Biola!!!!